Life...

Someone once said that "life is like drawing without an eraser" and they were completely right. In life, there is no going back and taking out all of the mistakes, the bad times, or the things you just don't want to remember anymore. Your past is what makes you unique; it is what makes you who you truely are.

Lately I wish there was some sort of "eraser" that would permanently make things disappear. If there were, I would be making some serious corrections in my life; one being my family. I really wish that I could just erase everything from the beginning from December 2007 to today; however, I know that is not plausible so I have a few other ideas.

First, I would go back and erase whatever it was that happened on July 1st 2008, while I was working. Something major, some kind of conflict, occured between my parents and my brother. When I got off of work that night, I arrived at home to find out that my mother had taken my brother and left. They had taken their things and just moved out! It was a very devistating thing in my life that threw me into a depression stage for a few months.

Second, I would rewind another month and a half to May 16th, when Ryan told me that he did not want to see me anymore; that after 2+ years, he was dumping me so that he could see another girl down in Draper. That cut deep, really deep!!! I had given him my heart; the year before he dropped it, but he picked it back up, cleaned it off, and held it close. On May 16th, he had dropped it again, and he did not even bother to pick it up. He just stomped on it and left it to bleed.

The Third thing I would correct is the day my brother was expelled from SJCES. I would take the day out completely. My parents were mad at me earlier that day for some sort of minor thing (I can't even remember what it was), they were arguing with each other over some other minor thing, and then to top it all of RJ was kicked out of school. It was a bad day for my family and I believe it was what led RJ to a much deeper use of drugs and also led him to the gang crap he was (and may still be) involved in.

I wish I could erase these 3 major things in my recent life; but, I know I cannot, and that is ok. As I said before, my past is what makes me who I am today. I am unique and I am me; either deal with it or don't. I don't really care!